Extra, extra

I don't watch the news. It's always the same shit just on a different day--mom kills 3 children, pedophile kidnaps 4 girls, bank robbers shot and killed, old lady lays biggest terd of century. Today I found some more entertaining headlines:

Cops: Mail delivered through snow, sleet and boozy haze

Story Highlights• Mail carrier had blood alcohol nearly four times the legal limit, police say• Carrier was charged after crashing delivery truck• Officials say he was 'incoherent' when he returned to the post office

Happy Feet? Sex next for rescued 'Groucho Marx' penguin
Zoo wants male from vulnerable species to mate with lonely females

Austrian World Cup star loses bet, skis naked

Scoop: Britney's stylist says ‘don't blame me’

Virginia School Fires Butt-Print Art Teacher

Stephen Murmer's abstract artwork includes smearing his posterior and genitals with paint and pressing them against canvas.

"Chesterfield lost a tremendous asset today," Jason Anthony, Murmer's attorney, said.