I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way

Tonite we rocked out the Catie Curtis concert. Me, my sister, and the Dad-ster. We 'pre-gamed' at the bar before we went in. I was just mindin my own business, sittin in-between my dad and sister, drinkin a budlight, shootin the shit (aka watchin sportscenter while they rambled about stuff). Low and behold, I got offered a shot--a yager bomb (yum...yum....gag). Was it from my beloved Blake Shelton? That's a negatory. A group of lesbians got me to join in on their yager bombs. Not just once, but twice. Jelena told Sprout (real name Heather but goes by Sprout) about it when she came in the bar and Sprout goes, "Yeah, no kidding with that shirt you've got on." I looked down really confused at my cute but not slutty top. "Oh God! I'm a whore, and I don't even know it!"

So lesbians I can get to randomly buy me drinks at a bar. Boys, I chase them away with charitable notions and discussions about homeless people.

I obviously got teased that maybe I was a lesbian. I'm not. That led to my dad saying something along the lines of the fact that my identity is pretty well defined (kinda like my biceps). I think people tend to see me as somebody who's very comfortable in my own skin. I am. I think, in most aspects, I'm fairly confident. Not everybody is. I like talking to people and being goofy and enjoying my life. I guess I'm just an outgoing person who tries not to worry too much about things that are out of my control (sometimes it's hard, though).

People have said things to me recently that make me think that my personality is one that draws people in. The thing that bothers me is that most people aren't as perceptive as my roomate Tess. Within 2 days of knowing me she pointed out that there are two totally different Nevena's--the goofy one and the serious one. I thought about that for a while, and I've come to the conclusion that it's completely true. Everybody has layers to their personality; I know I'm not any different. It just seems like the goofy side of me is what people like. So I tend not to let my serious side come out that much because I just want folks to have a good time. But it's hard to feel like I know somebody if I don't act serious around them every once in a while. Not everybody enjoys 'Serious Nevena' (ask the boys from the bar). And if I'm tired or just feeling introvert so I just want to chill in the background, everybody asks me whats wrong. Sometimes it's exhausting trying to be entertaining when all I want to do is be quiet. I guess it's just scary to think that people might only like the fun side of me. That guys will approach me because they think I'm one way, but turn out to be different. What really bothers me the most is that I feel like when I'm serious I totally put myself out there, but so many people are scared to make themselves vulnerable in the same way.