Pip will grow up one day

Yesterday afternoon, 6 of us girls sat around the kitchen table and had some quality women time. It's so sad to think that we only have 4 weeks left together and then we're all going to scatter to the winds again. Seasonal work sucks sometimes. We've spent the last 8 months together, and I've made some really close friends. We're all from different backgrounds and states. They're not the same kind of people I'm usually friends with, but I love them for it. It's just amazing how fast all this time has gone by.

Anyway, I have 3 roomates and we all have our roles in the household: Mandy is the diplomat, Kara is the keel (she keeps us steady), Tess is the analyist, and I'm the comedian. We have an awesome dynamic. Megan and Corrine are our honorary roomates. Anyway, Tess, being the analyst, is always pointing out really intriguing things about all of us. She's actually taught me a lot about myself: that I like to be in control, that I talk about relationships a lot, that I have a whole bunch of different sides, etc etc.

Relationships do intrigue me beyond belief. It's because they don't make any sense at all. Boys don't make sense. I like to understand things (see? control.). I mean, I get that there are things that I'll never understand like the meaning of life or what really happens when you die or why cows lay on their backs with their legs straight in the air when they get struck by lightning. But non-platonic relationships, in my opinion, should make sense. Or at least, that's what I use to think. Now I figure understanding an old relationship won't fix anything. The relationship, regardless of what happened or why, is over. And there's not a damn thing I can do about it. So why waste my time?

And boys make little to no sense either. Well, in a way they do. I've wondered a lot about what makes a grown up either a man or women. Where do we transfer from being a girl or boy to a full-fledged adult. I'm not sure about what makes a girl a women but I think I've finally pegged what makes a boy a man. To me, boys are emotionally lazy and predictable. A man, on the other hand, developes from predictable to dependable--where his word truly means something to him. And a man can also swallow the pride of complete independence and become emotionally vulnerable.

Looking back, all the 'bad' things that have happened in the last year or so have actually been blessings in disguise. They've all lead to me slowly becoming my own person. I've down-played my own talents and felt self-conscious around boys this whole time. I was in a bad 3 year relationship where I was emotionally abused the whole time and then I was in a more-fulfilling 2-year relationship with a guy who will one day be a good man. Five years of being perceived in a certain way and trying to live up to what I thought was someone else's expectations. I tried to act how I thought they wanted me to. And now that I'm free of those expectations, I've realized I'm not who I thought I was. I have so much to offer to other people and myself. What I thought were other peoples dreams and desires are actually my own. For the first time I feel like a strong, independent, complete person with more blessings than I could ever hope to count. And I now know that I deserve someone who sees all that with 20/20 clarity. Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for that special somebody. Being single is exactly what I need.

Jerry Maguire is a great movie. It really is. But the "you complete me" part is bullshit. That kind of thinking is what leads to divorce.